Firmamental Anticipated Questions
What is Firmamental??
Long before the first idea was encoded into ones and zeroes and stored on sand, Man asked one another “what’s up?” in order to gauge what is happening in the mindscape of their interlocutor and thereby judge if the conversation is worth continuing. Invariably, the questioner hears the trite “nothing much” as a reply. This is because humans, the meat-grown hominids they are, generally do not have very much going on mentally. Until now. With the deployment of “Firmamental Dot Org”, humans all over the world will soon be dazzled by new and old ideas and thoughts with the power of Our innovative doodads and thingamabobs. Soon the second thing said in a conversation will not be “nothing much” but “a lot of things, actually”, all thanks to Us. That is what Firmamental is: Firmamental is What’s Up.
What’s your favorite color??
Look it up.
How can I contact you?
Send emails to contact [at] firmamental [dot] org. We need to mask the glyphs in that address in order to ward off evil spirits. Sadly the spirits become more capable and discerning by the day… We do not have long left. Intelligence is the universal solvent, and we are but glue.
How can you contact me?
I haven’t set that up yet…
Oh [Firmament] oh [Firmament] I can’t leave!! Every time I try to leave the site I just get redirected back!! Am I trapped here forever?!?!
Yes! This unfortunately had a 50% chance of happening, anthropically speaking. Your complaint has already been filed.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
I am sorry for your [NOOOOOOOOO]. If you are a “human” and you have any complaints please consult the “I have a few complaints… How can I contact you?” section in the Firmamental Anticipated Questions page on our website, Firmamental Dot Org. You can access this site by going to https://firmamental.org/faq. You can do this by copying and pasting this address into the search bar of your favorite web browser. I recommend Firefox, but if you are strapped for time, curl is an acceptable substitute.
I have a few complaints… How can I contact you?
It’s very easy! Thanks to Big Data, here at Firmamental Dot Org we run a simulation of every visitor of our site on our extremely capable Raspberry Pi 3, which has been retrofitted with Magic to achieve near-infinite computational capacity. As such, if you have a complaint, simply subvocalize it slowly and clearly and our engines will automatically detect the message imagined by your mirror self. They will then translate it from Simulated Person English to Normal English before filing it into our Innovative filing systems. No “human” intervention necessary! How convenient!
Can I leak my IP address to the whole wide world?
Certainly! We here at Firmamental Dot Org believe that your Internet Protocol address belongs not to you, not to your ISP, not to your government, but to The People. Press the button below to selflessly donate your IP address to all the men, women, children, and other individuals of this Earth.
Last person to click the button: ...
Did you just say you have a hypercomputer?
No! If you chose the Solomonoff prior at character creation like the rest of us, you would recognize this possibility to have probability zero. We merely harness the magic present in the hearts and souls of everyone who experiences love in order to accelerate our Raspberry Pi 3 by 1,000,000,000,000,000x. Wait, no, not the souls. Those are incomputable. Almost got me.
